The Waiting Room
by Shonetta
Summary: JC Life is not what it seems for Janeway. Post Endgame


**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**The Waiting Room**

From the window of a quaint Irish cottage, Kathryn Janeway looked out on a stormy winter sea. Her silver hair was swept back from her face in a sleek short style, and she was wearing a warm woollen sweater over brown pants. Outside the window, heavy rain fell from a gray sky and rough waves broke up on jagged rocks. It was a bleak scene, as bleak and desolate as her soul. Looking away from the tempest, she raised her right hand and looked at a small white card she was holding. The edges were trimmed with black and in the center, printed in matching ink, was an invitation to a funeral: Chakotay's funeral. He had been ill for many years, but had been determined to keep a promise he had once made to her that he would be at her side until they got Voyager home. And he had kept that promise. When they had finally got Voyager home after twenty three years in the Delta Quadrant, he was at her side when they disembarked the ship at San Francisco. But now that their mission was complete, he had finally succumb to the weariness of his body and died three days ago. He had asked to be buried beneath a favorite tree of his in the Blue Ridge mountains of Virginia, and Kathryn intended to fulfill his wish to the very last detail.

Suddenly, an old mahogany clock with a small gold pendulum chimed the hour from a stone chimney breast behind her. Kathryn turned towards it, an overpowering sense of Déjà Vu consuming her. At every chime, a wooden doll with bobbed ginger hair and a blue dress moved a limb, and Kathryn found herself staring at the doll. She had never noticed the doll before, never even noticed the clock, and yet...and yet she had seen it before...somewhere she had seen it...somewhere in a dream. She had seen the doll bow her head, lift her arm, kick her leg...had seen her move in this exact same way, from this exact same place, with the sound of the sea humming in the background. Then the clock chimed for the last time and the doll froze. Slowly, mechanically, the doll was drawn back into the clock and a door snapped shut.

For a long moment Kathryn stared at the door, then her eyes wondered to the ivory clock face. Elegant gold hands indicated the time, but they did not point to the hour. The clock had chimed twelve times, but the small hand pointed to six and the long hand rested on the last notch before five. Confounded by the oddity for a moment, Kathryn's quick brain soon concluded that the clock was broken. It was clearly an old clock, perhaps just an ornament. Her Aunt Martha, to whom the vacation cottage belonged, was an avid collector of antiques, and there were many objects from yesteryear scattered around the place.

Suddenly, the sound of a dog barking drifted in the wind and Kathryn turned back to the window. The bark was familiar, very familiar. Outside, a black dog ran across the sands, her coat rustling in the wind. Kathryn pulled back a fancy net that hung over the window so she could have a better view.

"Petunia?"

Then the animal disappeared out of sight. Taking a deep breath, Kathryn let go of the net and stepped away from the window. The dog had sounded so much like Petunia that she could have sworn it was her, but that was impossible. Petunia had died decades ago.

_"Kathryn..."_

The voice was her sister's. Kathryn turned in the direction of it, but her sister wasn't there.

Then she heard her mother speak. _"Don't leave us, Kathryn. Please don't leave us..."_

Her heart racing, Kathryn looked around the room, but there was no one there, no one to see.

Suddenly, a dazzling light filled the room, so bright that Kathryn had to raise her hands to her eyes to shield them. When her eyes adjusted to the glare, she saw that the light was seeping from beneath, and around, the heavy oak living-room door. It was as though the door frame was on fire.

_"Hold on, Kathryn,"_ she heard her mother say. _"Stay with us..."_

Kathryn stared at the door. She had seen this blazingdoor before. She had seen it in a dream. Slowly, tentatively, she walked towards the door. As she did so, the familiar voices calling out from the shadows grew louder and she could hear something else...a bleeping, a beat...people talking... Hardly aware of what she was doing, Kathryn reached for the door handle and pulled it open. A rainbow of lights descended on her and she stepped into them.

* * *

When the lights faded, Kathryn found herself in a small white room. There was nothing at all in the room, not even a window. All there was were four doors, one for each wall. Three of them were singular, but one was a huge double door.

"Welcome back, Kathryn."

The voice was a woman's, a voice that was familiar, yet unfamiliar. Kathryn turned in the direction of it and saw a well-built woman before her with copper hair swept up from her face in a bun. She was wearing a white robe and Kathryn felt as though she should recognise her, but she did not.

"Who are you?" Kathryn asked. "Where am I?"

"The waiting room," the woman replied.

Kathryn frowned. "A waiting room for what? How did I get here?" She then stepped forward. "And why do you look so familiar? I feel like...I feel like I've met you before and yet..." Then it suddenly dawned on Kathryn where she had seen her. "You were a guide..the ancestral spirits..."

The woman smiled. "We have met many times and I am many things."

Kathryn walked into the center of the room, studying every detail, but there was nothing to see except whiteness. Everything was white; the ceiling, the floor, even the doors were white in the four white walls.

"I was in a cottage," Kathryn said, "I was taking a break there while I..." She paused. "I'd just got home from the Delta Quadrant...Was captain of a ship...Voyager..." She turned sharply to the woman. "But how can that be? I'm only twenty six years old...only a lieutenant."

The woman sighed. "I warned you not to open that door. But would you listen? Do you ever listen?"

"What door?" Kathryn asked. "Tell me who you are. Tell me what's going on."

"What I am you won't believe," the woman said kindly. "But I am who I am. And, despite the hard work you put me too, I wouldn't change my charge."

Kathryn stepped closer. "I demand to see your superior."

The woman laughed fondly. "I'm afraid that is impossible."

"Why?"

"One day you'll understand."

"But I want to understand now..."

"Then open your mind," the woman replied. "Listen to what I say, listen with your heart...find the meaning."

"Listen to what? All you've said is that I'm your charge and I'm in a waiting room."

"That's right."

"And how can I find meaning in that? It's meaningless..." She flinched as that word triggered a remote memory.

"Yes," the woman replied. "Everything is meaningless. That is until you are able to see." She paused. "But I can't tell you what to see, Kathryn. I can only ever guide you." She stepped closer. "Think, Kathryn. Think where you were before you were here."

"I told you. I was in a cottage in Ireland..."

"Before that...long before...Think, you will remember. You said yourself, you're a lieutenant."

Kathryn raised her hand to her head, her mind a pit of confusion. "Yes, I...I'm a Lieutenant. Lieutenant Kathryn Janeway. I'm in Starfleet and I..." She stopped, and her face paled, as horrifying memories of noise and ice and a sinking ship returned to her.. "No," she cried, her heart contorting in agony. "Oh no, oh God, no...Daddy and Justin..."

At Kathryn's pain, the woman reached out and lay a gentle hand on her shoulder. As soon as she did so, the agony in Kathryn's heart eased and a feeling of peace consumed her. Kathryn looked up at the woman, her manner more subdued. "Am I dead too? Is that it?"

"No," the woman replied. "You're not dead."

Kathryn frowned. "Then where am I? Is this a ship? Are you an alien?"

The woman smiled. "Do I look like an alien?"

"No," Kathryn conceded. "You look...You look human. Yet before..."

"I look how you perceive me," the woman clarified.

Suddenly, bright light seeped into the room from behind a singular door. Kathryn turned sharply towards the door. "What's happening?"

"It's not your time. The door is calling."

Kathryn looked back at the woman. "A door to where? I don't understand." She glanced at the other doors. "And why are there so many doors?" She walked over to the one that had brought her to this place. "How did I get here?"

"You mustn't open that door, Kathryn."

But Kathryn didn't listen. Instead she pulled down the handle and pushed open the door. White light fell upon her, blinding white light.

"No," the woman cried. "Don't go in..."

But once again Kathryn ignored her words and stepped into the light.

* * *

Sunlight. Bright sunlight filled a quaint room in an old Irish cottage. Kathryn looked around at the familiar setting, but was distracted by a black dog jumping up on her legs.

"Oh Petunia," Kathryn laughed. "Get down, old girl."

The dog did as she asked and stood at her feet, wagging her tail.

"You know," Kathryn said, her smile fading into a frown. "I can't remember why I came into this room." She racked her brains trying to remember. "Oh yes, we forgot your leash."

At that, she went over to a small mahogany coffee table in the centre of the room and picked up the dog's red leash. "If you're a good girl we won't need it, but you're not always a good girl, are you?"

A dullness suddenly crept over the room as a cloud covered the sun, and Kathryn made her way over to the window. She pulled back the net and studied the sky. "Just a cloud, honey. Should pass soon enough."

With that, she made her way out of the room, accompanied by her excited pet.

* * *

Rain beat against the roof of the cottage and a cold wind howled all around. Standing at the window, her auburn hair swept up from her face in a bun, Kathryn looked out at the beach beyond. Gray waves tumbled towards the shore and showered dull sand with white froth as they crashed against jagged rocks. After looking at the tempest for a while, Kathryn's eyes moved from the window to a small white card in her hand. The edges were trimmed in pink and in the center, printed in matching ink, was an invitation to a baby shower: Chakotay and Seven's baby shower. They had married only six weeks after returning home and now Seven was expecting a baby, a little girl they had already named Casey. As happy as Kathryn was for them, she couldn't deny that deep inside she wished it was her in Seven's place. But she had lost Chakotay forever, just as she had lost Justin and Mark. Never did she want to love again. The pain of always loving and losing was too hard to bear.

Suddenly, a clock chimed behind her. Kathryn turned around, an overpowering feeling of Déjà Vu consuming her. A wooden doll in a blue dress moved a limb at every chime, and Kathryn stared at her. She had never noticed the doll before, never even noticed the clock, and yet...and yet she had seen this clock before, seen the doll...somewhere in a dream. When the clock chimed for the last time, the doll froze. Then, slowly, mechanically, she was drawn back into the clock and a door snapped shut. Kathryn's eyes wondered to the ivory clock face and settled on the elegant gold hands indicating the time. The small hand pointed to six and the long hand rested on the last notch before five.

_"Kathryn..."_

The voice was her mother's, calling faintly.

Kathryn span around, but her mother wasn't there. The room was empty.

_"Don't leave us, Kathryn,"_ she heard Phoebe say. _"You can't leave us..."_

Kathryn's heart began to race and she gasped when a blinding light filled the room. When her eyes adjusted to the glare, she saw that it was coming from behind the living-room door.

Kathryn slowly began to walk towards the door, almost as though she was compelled, and the familiarvoices calling to her from the shadows seemed to get louder and voices joined them...people talking...noises...a bleep.

Hardly aware of what she was doing, she reached for the handle and opened the door. As soon as she did, a disco of lights descended on her and she stepped into their rainbow.

* * *

When the lights faded, Kathryn found herself in a small white room. There was nothing at all in the room, not even a window. All there was were four doors, one for each wall. Three doors were singular, one was double.

"Welcome back, Kathryn."

The voice was a woman's, a voice that was familiar, yet unfamiliar. Kathryn turned in the direction of it and saw a ginger haired woman in a white robe. Kathryn felt as though she should recognise her, but she did not.

"Who are you?" Kathryn asked. "Where am I?"

"The waiting room," the woman replied.

Kathryn frowned. "A waiting room for what? How did I get here?" She paused. "And why do you look so familiar? I feel like...I feel like I've met you before and yet..." Then it suddenly dawned on Kathryn where she'd seen her. "You were a guide...the ancestral spirits..."

The woman smiled. "We have met many times and I am many things."

Kathryn walked into the center of the room, studying every detail. The room seemed familar and yet. "I feel like I've been here before..." She looked around."And yet it's all ...it's all so new..."

"That's because you have been here before. And the more times you visit, the more you will remember."

Kathryn turned back to the woman. "I'm a Lieutenant...Lieutenant Kathryn Janeway...and yet...and yet I was an admiral...a captain on a ship called Voyager. It feels like I lived a lifetime in only seconds. How is that possible?"

Suddenly, a dazzling light filled the room. Kathryn raised her hands to her eyes. "What's happening?"

"It's not your time. The door is calling."

"I don't understand," Kathryn cried. "Where does it lead?"

"To the place you're meant to be. Open the door, Kathryn. Step inside."

Kathryn shook her head. "No...Not until you tell me what's going on."

"I have told you, Kathryn. This is the waiting room."

"But what kind of waiting room? What are we waiting for? What lies behind that door?"

"The time that is."

"And what is that suppose to mean?"

The woman stepped forward. "Think, Kathryn. Think of where you were before you were here."

Kathryn frowned. "I...I can't remember...The dream it...I was..." A terrible agony filled her heart as memories of ice and a sinking ship returned to her. "Oh no, Oh God no...Daddy and Justin..."

The woman reached out and put her hand on Kathryn's shoulder. As soon as she did so, the pain left Kathryn's heart, filling it with peace. Kathryn looked up at her. "I died too, didn't I?"

"No," the woman replied gently. "You're not dead. As I said, this is the waiting room."

Kathryn flinched as understanding finally dawned on her. "The waiting room," she said quietly. "Then I'm...I'm somewhere inbetween...neither dead or alive."

The woman smiled. "The meaningless can have meaning."

Kathryn looked around the room, looked at the doors. "If this is some kind of intermediate state between life and death then..." She stepped over to the glowing door. "You said this door leads to the time that is...You meant the present, didn't you? This door leads to the present..." Kathryn glanced at the other doors. "And if this door leads to the present then...then the others must lead to the past and the future and..." She stopped talking and focussed on the double doors ahead. "But where would that one go?"

Without another word, she began to walk towards the door, but the woman stopped her. "It's not your time, door will not open."

Kathryn stilled, the meaning in the woman'scryptic words being abundantly clear - the door had to lead to some kind of afterlife.

The woman put her hand to Kathryn's cheek. "Choose the right door this time, Kathryn."

As the woman withdrew her hand, Kathryn turned back towards the illuminated door. For a long moment she looked at it, still trying to absorb what was happening and make sense of it. She then glanced in the direction of the door that she had come through.

"The future," she said. "Last time I was here, I chose the future, didn't I?"

"A door that should not be opened," the woman answered.

Kathryn turned to her. "But if I have been there, if I have lived it, then I will know..."

The woman stepped forward. "Beyond the door of what is to come, lies only echoes of what might be. The time that was, the time that is, the time that is to come, it is never the same. Always they are changing, always the door is open. For you, the time that was, it is no more, and the time that is to come, has yet to be." She paused. "This place, and all that passed, you will remember but as a dream, if you remember it at all. So open the right door and step into the light, Kathryn. Your time is waiting."

Kathryn looked at the woman for a moment, and then walked over to the door. Slowly, hesitantly, she reached for the handle and opened the door. Dazzling light fell upon her, warm, welcoming, enticing light, and hardly aware of her actions, Kathryn stepped into the glow.

* * *

Lights, bright...White light...Dazzling...

_"Kathryn, my darling..."_

The voice was her mother's, a voice both joyful and sad. Kathryn forced her eyes open, forced herself to tolerate the pain.

"Mom..."

A gentle hand squeezed hers. Then another familiar voice spoke. "Hey sis..."

Phoebe.

Kathryn turned in her direction. "Phoebe..." The light hurt too much and she had to close her eyes. "What happened? Where am I?"

Her mother answered. "You're in hospital," she said as kindly as she could. "But you're going to be fine...just fine.

Kathryn's head drooped to the side, her mind drifting. "Sleepy..."

"That's just the medication they've given you,darling," her mother explained. "You sleep now. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Kathryn gave a wan nod, and then fell asleep.

* * *

Kathryn stood at the window of an old Irish cottage and looked out at the beach beyond. She was wearing a blue dress and her hair was a bouncy auburn bob. It was a glorious summer's day and tranquil waves kissed a golden shore. After absorbing the wonderful view for a while, she turned away from the window to look happily at a small white card she was holding in her hand. The edges were trimmed in gold and in the center, printed in matching ink, was an invitation to a wedding: her and Chakotay's wedding. After six years in the Delta Quadrant, they had finally managed to perfect the slip-stream technology with the help of a friendly alien civilization, and had returned to Earth three months ago. Realizing that they still loved each other, she and Chakotay had become a couple, and in three weeks time they were going to be husband and wife.

Suddenly, a door opened behind her and Chakotay came in. He was dressed casually in beige pants and a white t-shirt, and he was holding a brown box in his hands.

"This just arrived by tele-mail," he said. "Doesn't say who it's from."

Kathryn smiled, slipped the treasured card she was holding into a pocket of her dress, and took the box. "My Aunt Martha," she declared. "She only ever leaves this place to go on vacation, and she only ever goes on vacation to visit family and antique fairs. I don't think I've ever stayed here when she hasn't sent me something with a note giving subtle instructions where I'm to put it...only things that are wall-mounted, though, like paintings and mirrors, everything else she likes to put in place herself. She hasn't been agile enough to put them up for years, but rather than admit it, she says she sends me certain things because they're either too big or too fragile to take with her on her travels."

"Crafty," Chakotay smiled.

Kathryn carefully opened the box, and when she saw an object inside, wrapped in white tissue, and a handwritten note on top of it, her suspicion was confirmed. "Definitely Aunt Martha." She picked up the note and read it aloud. "Dearest Kathryn, I hope you and Chakotay are enjoying your vacation. Don't worry, this isn't your wedding present. I found this charming clock in a fair in Scotland and think it will look perfect on my chimney breast, just above my painting but below my plates. After all these years it's still in working order. Isn't that incredible? As you can see, I've set the time. See you in a couple of weeks. Lots of love, Aunt Martha."

"Very subtle," Chakotay smiled.

Kathryn lifted the clock out of the box, which she then cast aside, and removed the wrapping. The clock was made of mahogany and had to be at least five hundred years old. The face was a gleaming ivory and the elegant hands were made of gold. Beneath the face was a gold pendulum, and it swang rhythmically to and fro.

"Looks Victorian," Chakotay said, studying the details.

"Yes," Kathryn said quietly.

Chakotay noticed that she had paled a little. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she replied. "I just had a strong feeling of Déjà Vu right then ...like I've seen this clock before...in a dream."

"Déjà Vu's always unsettling," Chakotay said sympathetically.

Kathryn nodded and then looked up at him. "I think I'll put this up now, and then start getting ready for dinner. I don't know about you but I'm getting pretty hungry."

"Same here. Where would you like to go?"

"Any suggestions?"

"How about a quaint old restaurant in Vienna or Tuscany?"

Kathryn smiled. "Vienna sounds good."

Chakotay smiled in return. "I'll book a table while you put up the clock."

He kissed her cheek and then left the room.

When he was gone, Kathryn replicated everything she would need to put up the clock, and in no time at all had it hanging on the chimney breast. As she stepped back to observe her work, the appearance of the clock perplexed her. Something wasn't right. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something was wrong. The clock was too plain, the pendulum too prominent. The base looked like it should have a little door, and inside the little door, a little doll in a blue dress to dance on the hour...

The door behind her opened again and Chakotay came in.

"Looks great," he said, studying the clock. "Good job."

"Thanks," Kathryn replied. She then turned towards him. "Are we booked?"

"We certainly are. 20:00 hours."

"Excellent. Plenty of time for a soak in the Jacuzzi. After all the walking we've done today, I sure need one."

"Me too. Up for company?"

Kathryn smiled. "You bet."

With that, they happily made their way out of the room, talking as they did so. Chakotay closed the door behind them, and the hands on the clock struck 6:25.

**THE END**


End file.
